Stripping Down

My small group recently found a post about Melissa Jenna's 40 day makeup fast. They thought it'd be healthy for us to do one, too (I missed the discussion - I'm sure there were many better reasons). And I admit, I thought: Pssh, I only wear eyeliner and mascara. This'll be easy.

It's not.

I didn't realize how insecure I was about blond eyelashes. I feel blind without mascara. It makes me remember playing Helen Keller in 7th grade - foundation, blush, lipstick, eyebrow color, even a little eyeshadow - no mascara. That's how you make a girl look blind. And this morning (even though I know they weren't) I was sure the construction guys next to our apartment were laughing at that funny looking girl. 

I'm not kidding! The thought went through my head, "They can't see my eyes - they're laughing at me."

God help me. What a wretched, pitiful little thought! You made me the way that I am - in Your image! Let me never forget that no matter how I feel about it, my form echoes Your divine one.

So, after my deep-seated insecurities surfaced, I started wondering what else might need to be removed to steer my eyes toward Jesus. I'm pretty sure Facebook and Twitter oughta go. (Hate that, but...until I can get it down to checking 2 times a day or less, something needs to change.) I decided to consciously reduce my portion sizes. (I'm not starving myself - I just eat more than is healthy because I like to eat). And I want to exercise purposefully and regularly.

After a year of marriage and three apartment moves, Dave and I have stripped our "stuff" and "clutter" down to a minimum. Though I'm sure there's more stuff we could strip away. And we're both feeling like it's time to strip spiritually and in our lifestyle.

Here's to stripping! And naked faces. I'm praying for a naked heart, too.

Let the low end drag.

Oosh. This being faithful thing is hard.


I'm weary.


And while there are good things in the future, there is no end in sight.


I don't think there ever is, though. We're not promised an easy ride. John 16:33 says, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."


It's really cool to think that in the end, we win! But it's hard to remember that in the middle of everything going not quite right.


And you know what I've learned? It's ok to let the low end drag - especially when you're worn down, when you can only shuffle instead of walk, when looking for light and hope is more disappointing than just resigning yourself to the murky twilight around you. Because our Father is a kind and gentle Daddy; He is strong enough to deal with our disappointment, our lapses in faith, our utter exhaustion.


And sometimes, it's only in our utter exhaustion that we can finally let Him do what He most wants: to tenderly lift our dirty, bruised, raggedy bodies, cradle them to His strong chest, and carry us a ways until we've rested enough to stand at His side again.

Out of the dust...

We recently finished the Wednesday night "Deeper" series at Calvary. It was a video (not my favorite thing) on Jonah (not my favorite book) about the interrupted life (not something I had a problem with). It turns out that I forgot about how much I hate video while the lady was talking, and I suddenly realized that Jonah and I had a lot in common.
Anyway, the last three months have been the best of my life with a side of growth and topped with learning to trust God. And this morning, two of the most recently significant passages of scripture came up again: one in a word search for "rest" and the other on a friend's Facebook profile.


Rest:
Psalm 37:3-7
Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light And your judgment as the noonday. Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.


God's control:
Job 38

Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said,

"Who is this that darkens counsel By words without knowledge?

"Now gird up your loins like a man, And I will ask you, and you instruct Me! 

"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding, Who set its measurements? Since you know. Or who stretched the line on it? 

"On what were its bases sunk? Or who laid its cornerstone, When the morning stars sang together And all the sons of God shouted for joy? 

"Or who enclosed the sea with doors When, bursting forth, it went out from the womb; When I made a cloud its garment And thick darkness its swaddling band, And I placed boundaries on it And set a bolt and doors, And I said, `Thus far you shall come, but no farther; And here shall your proud waves stop'? 

"Have you ever in your life commanded the morning, And caused the dawn to know its place, That it might take hold of the ends of the earth, And the wicked be shaken out of it? 

"It is changed like clay under the seal; And they stand forth like a garment. 

"From the wicked their light is withheld, And the uplifted arm is broken. 

"Have you entered into the springs of the sea Or walked in the recesses of the deep? 

"Have the gates of death been revealed to you, Or have you seen the gates of deep darkness? 

"Have you understood the expanse of the earth? Tell Me, if you know all this. 

"Where is the way to the dwelling of light? And darkness, where is its place, That you may take it to its territory And that you may discern the paths to its home? 

"You know, for you were born then, And the number of your days is great! 

"Have you entered the storehouses of the snow, Or have you seen the storehouses of the hail, Which I have reserved for the time of distress, For the day of war and battle? 

"Where is the way that the light is divided, Or the east wind scattered on the earth? 

"Who has cleft a channel for the flood, Or a way for the thunderbolt, To bring rain on a land without people, On a desert without a man in it, To satisfy the waste and desolate land And to make the seeds of grass to sprout? 

"Has the rain a father? Or who has begotten the drops of dew? 

"From whose womb has come the ice? And the frost of heaven, who has given it birth? 

"Water becomes hard like stone, And the surface of the deep is imprisoned. 

"Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades, Or loose the cords of Orion? 

"Can you lead forth a constellation in its season, And guide the Bear with her satellites?

"Do you know the ordinances of the heavens, Or fix their rule over the earth? 

"Can you lift up your voice to the clouds, So that an abundance of water will cover you? 

"Can you send forth lightnings that they may go And say to you, `Here we are'? 

"Who has put wisdom in the innermost being Or given understanding to the mind? 

"Who can count the clouds by wisdom, Or tip the water jars of the heavens, When the dust hardens into a mass And the clods stick together? 

"Can you hunt the prey for the lion, Or satisfy the appetite of the young lions, When they crouch in their dens And lie in wait in their lair? 

"Who prepares for the raven its nourishment When its young cry to God And wander about without food?

Our story is the tale of a fool made wise.

This paragraph from Oswald Chambers caught my attention this morning:


When looking back on the lives of men and women of God the tendency is to say - What wonderfully astute wisdom they had! How perfectly they understood all God wanted! The astute mind behind is the Mind of God, not human wisdom at all. We give credit to human wisdom when we should give credit to the Divine guidance of God through childlike people who were foolish enough to trust God's wisdom and the supernatural equipment of God. (My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers (1935), 26 October; emphasis mine)


I can't explain to you how much I long for that phrase to describe my life: "Do you know Jess?"
"Yes, she's one of the most childlike fools I've ever met, but her trust in God's wisdom is unshakeable."


Granted, to the world, that's a very unflattering picture. But I've spent enough of my life (all of it) struggling to be independent, responsible, self-sufficient. And by the world's standards I was. But because I was measuring myself by those around me rather than by the One who made me, everything I got was hard-won and empty. I lived for four years in near-poverty (legally, I was in the absolute lowest tax bracket). And it took four years of misery, frustration, and self-loathing before I threw up my hands and said, "God, what You're asking me to do doesn't make any sense, but I'm choosing to trust You. I believe; help my unbelief."


I also can't explain to you how quickly my life reversed itself. It wasn't overnight (and believe you me, I still have to be responsible, independent, self-sufficient - just never alone, and never beyond help). It took over a year for the commitment to root itself in my heart. I often grew in leaps and then baby-stepped my way through months at a time.
And now I am in a place of remembering - keeping ever before me the long, long list of what Dad did for me, the things I learned. It's a place of trying daily to apply the lessons. That's the hardest part - the day-to-day. But every time I come to my senses and throw my voice heavenward and drag my eyes away from the rocky path in front of me, my Father is relentlessly merciful and overflowing in grace - He picks me up in His arms and carries me a ways so I can rest, and He can soothe my heart.


This all reminds me of 1 Corinthians 1: 

Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?
For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not come to know God, God was well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe.
Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble;
but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong,
and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are,
so that no man may boast before God.