Dave and I were married 2 weeks ago in a beautiful ceremony performed by our counselor. Hayne read Ephesians 3 to us, and it turns out that several well-wishers penned it in their cards, too. I hadn't read it in the context of a marriage before, but now - as a wife - I believe I'll come back to it over and over:
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man,so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted andgrounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.
"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."
I'm getting married in 4 days.
And the lessons I've learned over the past six months with Dave (much less the past three weeks) are invaluable and too many to recount.
Most recently, we learned to say we're sorry, and to say it fast. We were each trying to help the other and ended up missing the kindness each intended.
So pardon me if I disappear for a while. I'll be back. I promise!
"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." -Apostle Paul
I've fallen into that trap again - the one where I start to feel comfortable and in control of my life. Where I let my desperate need for God fall to the side, become less desperate. Where I get frustrated easily and nothing seems to go the way I want it to.
And then factor in an upcoming marriage. We're not even married yet, and I'm learning so much. Dave is my spiritual thermometer. When my heart is not right with my Father, the relationship Dave and I are building gets prickly, and there are tears and angry words and disharmony.
This morning, I was reading Oswald (surprise!) who simply asked, "Why do we doubt God? He has proven Himself. We have no room to fear." And then I was lead to James 3:
"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness."
Looking on at my life, you wouldn't see these characteristics, you wouldn't feel the quiet assurance these verses emanate. Inside my heart there is a clear awareness of this lack of peace, and my heart literally quails at the thought. I am desperate for confidence in my Father that sings, "All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing will be well." It's there. I've seen the effects of trusting God with everything. It's just in hiding, weakened by my selfish desires and sinful nature.
Father, draw me into Your heart. Renew my thirst, my desperation, for You.
"Therefore, my brethren, you also were made to die to the Law through the body of Christ, so that you might be joined to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God."
I hadn't read this passage in a long time. Romans is a rather intimidating book, but I've been working through it for the second time, hoping that my life experiences and openness to the Holy Spirit since the last reading will highlight new truths for me.
The bit above follows laws about marriage: A woman is only allowed to remarry if her husband has died. Any other circumstance is immoral. While that is interpreted a little differently these days (and is a sticky topic I'll sidestep right now), it's clearly a metaphor, too. Before we knew Christ, we were married to the Law. And it's not until the Law has died completely in us that we can "marry" our True Love. I think that happens instantaneously (the moment we accept Christ) and slowly (as we learn what it means to live under grace). We're mistake-prone and creatures of habit - a new life in Christ requires building new habits to override the old.
But that's where this one gets interesting: we cannot die to the Law on our own; we need the body and blood of Christ. And it is Him to whom we are married after we have been removed from the Law. And Christ is our perfect example: He Himself died to the Law, and raised Himself from the dead - abolishing the Law and establishing grace.
It's a mystery, really, and I know that I'll never fully understand until I stand face-to-face with my Father, Saviour, and Husband.
I was re-reading the Spiritual Klutz blog by Joshua Rogers this morning. He's a breath of fresh (honest) air these days. And I like his opinions on dating, marriage, and singles in the contemporary church. For instance, here's the end of his recent series on dating: Man Enough to Love a Real Woman. I found him after some reading on Don Miller's blog, and landed on Spiritual Klutz's Time for a Breakup page. It was a really convicting perspective on my single mindset and heart.
I'm weary lately of trying to prompt myself into new ideas. I've been reading Romans, and boy is that dense! So I'm switching it up a little. We're reading Blackaby's "Experiencing God" for small group. A friend gave me "The History of Grace" sermon by Tim Keller, and I'm going to listen to a couple Calvary messages I haven't heard in a while (or ever).
Song to end on: Lay 'Em Down, by Needtobreathe.
