Tis the season and all that.

I'm struggling this year to find my holiday spirit. Maybe. Maybe I'm actually in the right spirit for Christmas. Here's the deal:


My littlest brother got married last week, and they won't be back from their cruise until after Christmas. Because of the timing, the grands and Aunt Ruth are not coming to Chattanooga for Christmas - for the first time in 23 years. For the first time in 26 years, I have a real and very wonderful boyfriend, and we won't be together for the holiday either. Middle brother planned his vacation time for last week and now has to work all around Christmas and thus won't be coming with us to the grands' for the weekend. And on top of all that, the grands have asked I not bring my puppy - so he's going with the boyfriend.


But what I'm beginning to think is that the holiday spirit isn't one of "everything's perfect - we're all together and getting exactly what we want." I think it's more of "Father! Everything's falling apart, so we lean on You and on the promise of Christmas - God with us."


That's a pretty radical approach, when you start to think about it. I have to be very aware of my own brokenness and incompetence to rely fully on God. And American consumerism tells us that the holidays are all about getting and giving [good things that make you look good] - we cover our dirty, useless selves in shiny paper and ribbons and huge price tags and pretend to not see what we really are.


But this idea of Emmanuel, of God with us, blows away all the tinsel and wrappings and glitz. It says that the most important part of the holiday is that I know who my Savior is, not that I get what's on my list.




Stick with me this weekend - I'm flinging myself into the Father's arms. I'm a little fuzzy right now (DayQuil will do that to a person), but I want to keep exploring this idea.

This smacks of fairy tale - and I love it.

Our story - as wandering into redeemed children of our Father God - is the best fairy tale story ever. Except that it's real. I think it's the story, the basis for all other stories, the heart of story.


And if my redemption story is a fairy tale - and Jesus is my Knight in shining armor, truly - then every love story is a dim reflection of the first love story.


It's funny, though - if I'm a princess, and my Knight in shining armor has already swept in and stolen my heart, why do I not live like a princess who is the center of her Knight's life? My life should reflect the grace and wealth and calm of a daughter of the King: I should be quick to love, quick to give and help, quick to soothe, quick to honor responsibility. And all this should flow out of the glorious knowledge that I am loved - truly and deeply and for every fiber of my being but especially for my heart.


As my every day life is beginning to change, I'm understanding more clearly how my Father sees me. And that tiny glimpse into His unfathomable heart has already undone me. Walls and reservations and fears that I didn't even know I was harboring are breaking up and drifting away. I'm also discovering just how deep the wounds of my past are, how jaggedly they have healed, how much pain they still manage to create in me.


Daddy,
As I follow You down this new and long-awaited path, I ask that Your heart beat within and around mine. Drench me in comprehension, compassion, and passion as Your Son's love drenched Him in blood. May those who look on at my life marvel at the difference in my love for them and for You. Father, though it hurts, continue bringing the unreachable places of my heart to the light. Heal them in Your perfect and gentle time. Assuage my fears; fight fiercely, Lord - save my heart and mind from the black darkness. Oh, my Rescuer, I owe You my life - take it; it is Yours.
Amen.